A space to be you, in whatever way you need it
How did you find Spiritual Direction?
Recent Tending the Holy graduate Samantha Young reflects on her own journey to becoming a Spiritual Director, and her introduction to Spiritual Direction during a challenging time in her faith life.
I first heard about spiritual direction when I was in a place in my life where my heart wasn't open to the idea of contemplative prayer. I was leading prayer ministry in a charismatic-leaning church. We believed in corporate prayer and the spirit moving in big and bold ways. We laid hands on one another, prayed out loud and were not afraid to share a word we felt like God was giving to us. It was a wonderful and transformative time in my relationship with God. It was all very loud and big and bold.
And then one day, one of my dearest friends spoke to me about her training in spiritual direction. She wanted to incorporate some Ignatian practices into our next prayer meeting. I immediately said “yes!” even though I had no idea what she was talking about. So she taught briefly during our next prayer gathering and most people did not love it. Why were we so quiet? They said it was boring and they didn't feel God's presence. I got a lot of pressure to drop all of this contemplative prayer stuff.
A small part of me was curious, though. This new way of praying sparked curiosity in me and I wanted more. So I approached her and asked her to spiritually direct me. She said no, and I was so angry. Why would you withhold this from me? Why can't we pray together? Something must be wrong with spiritual direction if my own friend cannot do this with me. I'm sure she explained some very basic tenets of spiritual direction with me, like the idea of not entering into a director/directee relationship with anyone in close proximity, but all my brain heard was “no, this isn't for you”. So I dropped it and did not seek it anymore.
Flash forward three years later and I was in crisis. We had left our church and the break from that was one of the most painful things I have ever experienced. It felt like overnight we had lost everything: community, all of my faith experiences and how I knew God. It was all gone. I felt very alone, and scared, and desperate. I was willing to do anything to feel connected to my faith again. And then I remembered spiritual direction. So I reached out to my friend and she said “Why now? Why do you feel like you need this?”
“The healing process is so unique to all of us, and spiritual direction allows you a safe space to be you, in whatever way you need in that moment.”
I explained my brokenness, my confusion and the hurt I was feeling. How I just wanted someone to be with me as I processed this break from the church and how much it had hurt me. After that conversation she sent me to the SDI website and I found Laura, the spiritual director I would walk with for the next four years.
I have been so transformed by my work in spiritual direction that it was inevitable that I would seek my own training to continue sharing this practice with the world. I cannot understate how much it has affected me. The healing process is so unique to all of us, and spiritual direction allows you a safe space to be you, in whatever way you need in that moment. I will forever be grateful for the time I have spent in my own spiritual direction sessions. To be able to provide that for other people now that I have completed my training at Christos is an immense honor and joy and I thank God for the path that has led me to this moment.